I want him because I choose him

There’s a difference between being available and being taken for granted.

I know it.
Most women know it.
But we stay available anyway — for peace, for duty, for fear.

For years, I thought I had to sleep with my husband because that’s what wives do.
Keep the marriage alive.
Keep him from looking elsewhere.
Keep the peace.

I thought sex was wife-duty and mandatory.
Service.
Obligation.

And so I stopped wanting it.

Not because I didn’t love him — but because I didn’t love me obligated and demanded.

Until I changed everything.

I stopped being available.
I stopped saying yes because I was afraid to say no.
I stopped performing.

And here’s the thing nobody tells you:

When a woman stops being available out of duty —
And starts being available out of direction —

Her body wakes up.

Not overnight.

But slowly.

Steadily.

In her time.

I don’t fuck because I should.
I fuck because I want to.

I don’t take him into my mouth because I have to.
I do it because I choose him.

I want to feel him grow hard because of me.
I want to feel him lose himself because of me.
I want his release because I directed and placed it.

Because I’m a sovereign woman.

This is not performance.
This is power.

The power of choice.

The power of placement.

The power of receiving — not as a chore — but as a claiming.

When I receive him now, I’m not servicing him.
I’m taking him.

Because I can.
Because I want to.
Because I say so.

This is how I want to live.

And once a woman feels that?
There’s no going back.